In any setting, there will be success or failure. Success is not a clearly defined result outside of a number. Your team scores the most points; your favorite athlete has the fastest time, or you achieved a financial level seldom seen. All are valid gauges to determine success, but what determines your success or failure?

Is it you?

Success is not the norm but a desired state.

Are your friends on board, or do they heighten the emptiness you thought would not appear?

Self-sabotage lies deep within our thoughts and behavior and stems from fear, not laziness or emotional flaws. This pattern of behavior becomes a cycle that may not be broken unless we become aware of it and consciously decide to change it by challenging past actions and outcomes.

We may find that when we achieve that goal, which has been burning in our soul for an eternity, it comes with perceived burdens we could not have foreseen. Why can’t we just enjoy the fruits of our labors and move on to the next challenge?

Maybe we can.

1. Replacing fear of failure or success. Our brains are wired for failure, and that becomes a comfort zone based on familiarity. We fear failure, and if we never pursue anything without a guarantee, we avoid it. The fear is not felt, but likely we will feel an avoidance that causes our subconscious to yearn for something more.

   Fear of success is equally debilitating. I have personally coached elite athletes who sabotage their performance out of fear of the expectations placed on them. When more is given, more is expected. They enjoy the idea of recognition for their success, but what are the expectations that others be kept hidden and never discussed? The fear of failure and the fear of success are equally disturbing if you haven’t considered both realities.

   Is the pain of sacrifice stronger than the pain of regret?

2. Deflecting the dispersions of others. Even with the best of intentions, our families, friends, or co-workers will often project their fears or rationalize why we should consider them reasons not to pursue something we desire. It is amazing how frequently those who are existing at various levels of disappointment will freely offer (unsolicited) advice on how we should do something. Mind you, they have never had anything close to their predictions for the outcome, but that is never a deterrent to spewing emotional diarrhea. This is a vehicle they will use as a “Told you so” if you come up short.

   Those who vicariously live through the success or failure of others can never see beyond what benefits them and hold little significance in their success. Don’t let them steal what you have earned.

3. Removing guilt or feelings of undeserving. When success happens, it may become evident that “Imposter Syndrome” will start living rent-free in your head. Misery loves company, and those unwilling to pay the price or make the sacrifices and discipline will focus on your emotions. They will plant seeds that you should feel guilty to enjoy the fruits of your labors because others are not experiencing them. All of these are eternal and will remain there unless you allow them to become internal. The price you have paid is the fortress you have built to protect what is yours.

   Don’t let the doubters become the key to unlock the door and allow them to enter.

4. There are no winners in the blame game. Acknowledging failure and taking ownership are tremendous steps towards progress. A bruised ego is not a pleasant thought, but it is a reality if overcoming setbacks is a desired goal. If the tendency is to deflect negative results, you will eventually run out of people or things to blame. With each deflection, the potential for ridicule heightens, leading to permanent ridicule and loss of credibility.

   Accept the outcome, but learn from the mistake. Sometimes pretty good is good enough.

5. Perfectionism is poison. In the words of Ricky Bobby in “Talladega Nights,” “Second place is the first loser.” Although the comedy gave a plethora of memorable one-liners, this one stood out as an all-or-nothing proposition. The greatest investors on Wall Street are wrong 30% of the time, and if you play professional baseball, hitting safely three out of 10 at-bats will earn you a place in Cooperstown. With each endeavor, we desire success, but that is not reality. And the bigger lesson to be learned is that too many things are out of our control to accept it is our fault if we come up short, when we have done everything as planned.

   I just broke a record in the history of MY body, even if no one else noticed.

Design a plan that is flexible

When you put pen to paper or fingers to the keyboard, you are taking ownership by giving your time to improve your situation. There is a reason the first, second, or even third drafts are considered “rough drafts.” They will be dissected, edited, reedited, critiqued, and rewritten before a final draft is acceptable. Companies hire teams of consultants to take a concept from inception to fruition. Don’t feel that you have to create a perfect plan from which you should not deviate.

1. Celebrate victories — no matter how small; a win is a win. Enjoy them and acknowledge them.
2. Increase the potential for discomfort — if you have total success and no setbacks, you become stagnant. One step forward, two steps back. As they say in soccer, sometimes you have to move backward to advance forward.
3. Small steps. Don’t feel like you have to revamp your entire life all at once. Focus on one change, and when it has been successfully achieved, add the next step. Hint: keep knocking out the small steps to give yourself a sense of victory, rather than tackling a larger task that could take weeks or months to complete.
4. Pat your own back. It takes a lot of courage to get out of your comfort zone, so give yourself grace and love.
5. Hanging with healthy friends. This is not about fitness or going to the gym, although that is not a bad idea. Healthy friends want you to be the best version of yourself, and they will offer support and positive influences for you to feed your hunger for improvement.
6. Take a break. A common tendency is to go all-out until you crash and burn. The initial emotions always run high but can burn out quickly. When you make your plan, schedule yourself free time and “me time.”
7. Be your best coach. You know yourself better than anyone. The most frequent and loudest voice you will hear comes from your brain and self-talk. Be honest, but be supportive.
8. Fall in love again. Acknowledge to yourself that you love the person you are becoming. Loving yourself is not being in love with yourself. Love who you are and what you are trying to do to make things better.
9. Actions count — thoughts are your good intentions, but your actions will define you. These are what others will see and become your calling card.
10. Decide to be incredible — you control your thoughts, good or bad. Your thoughts will dictate your actions. Make things better when you move on than what they were when you arrived.

Don’t be cruel

One of the many great hits by Elvis Presley, was “Don’t Be Cruel.” Of course, his intention was directed at a lost love interest. You need to give yourself grace and keep moving forward. Each step you take to improve is a giant leap towards becoming your best self. Big or small, a step is a step. Those little steps become larger, and eventually you are in a full sprint towards achieving your desired outcome.

If you are ready to break the barriers that bind you and achieve levels beyond your reach, book a coaching call today. Together, we can create a continued journey of success, and you can wipe your feet of doubt.